A Brief Justification for Why I'm Conscientiously Objecting to Watching This Movie

Foremost, this movie is directed by the fking corrosive idiot who also directed: The Rock (a movie about prison and Sean Connery's hilarious faux-hippie wig), Pearl Harbor (disgusting propaganda disgracing the men and women who actually died at the site on that day), The Island (Scarlett Johanssen's tits must bounce to freedom, thank God for her Addidas), and ... well Bad Boys was not that bad (I flinch from dissing any Tcheky Karyo projects, even though he was involved in Mel Gibson's patriotic predecessor to Pearl Harbor - the Patriot, plus, look how awesome my Miami looks!).  Oh, yea, Michael Bay also put out a DVD of Lionel Ritchie music videos.  Would that I were joking RE: that last point.

This movie was released at a time when disaster movies were on the rise, again.  I think Men in Black happened around the same 2-year space, as well as Independence Day and a whole slew of other popcorn chomping patriotic fare.

This movie was acutally released during what I would consider a Perfect Storm of assiness, because wasn't Affleck just starting to hop aboard the J.Lo express to career demolition?  Wasn't Billy Bob Thornton about to receive a vial of blood from Angelina around this time?

Charlton Heston, I've been told, supplies the voiceover narration.

I may allow for the sole redeeming element that Steve Buscemi has a death scene in this movie.  And we all know Steve is the South Park Kenny of movies.  So that's possibly culturally relevant.

I will never watch this film, because it represents a TON of money (my educational loans in their entirety times like 100) I am CERTAIN I could have used to create a better film, and I know next to nothing about making films, but I can say that with confidence.

Fucking corporate proles and their notions of entertainment...

Had anybody in that cast (but especially Willis) read Richard E. Grant's film diaries about the making of "Hudson Hawk," this nonsense could have been avoided.

Yet Criterion chose to include it in the catalogue.  Baffling.